Millions of Women Are Waiting to Meet Me

Whilst taking a sly look at the Mail On Sunday at the gym on, oddly enough, Sunday, I noticed an article written by Sean Thomas about his search for the perfect woman on the Internet. So, in between taking careful slurps of my Cappuccino, and safely hidden behind the football reports, I decided to read it out of curiosity and research purposes.

Being single at the time, the 37 year old Sean was tasked by the editor of a health magazine to write an article on the Internet dating game. Suspicious at first, he did all the usual things with his profile, put up a half decent photograph and fired off a few emails. His first success was to actually get some replies to his messages (unlike mine - which tend to be ignored). He met up with a few but they always decided they weren’t right for each other and left it at that. This exercise was repeated a number of times.

His story was beginning to sound all too familiar, but as I turned the page there was a picture of a rather attractive lady in his arms. Reading a little further, I discovered that it was his girlfriend, they were engaged and they were even expecting a baby. And what’s more, the once hesitant Sean couldn’t praise Internet dating highly enough. Blimey. Could there still be hope?

Sean was also kind enough to provide a list to help decode all those pesky dating profiles. Can you relate to any of these?

Curvy – Tubby.
Cuddly – Huge.
A cat lover – Desperate for kids.
A traditional homemaker – I’m looking for a meal ticket.
Fun-Loving – Drunken, possibly a crackhead.
Scatty – Bonkers.
Adventourous – Fond of ununsual sexual practices.
Demanding – Impossible.
Sensual – A good kisser.
I’m from St. Petersburg – Marry me.
I like rugby-playing types – Dominate me.
My favourite things include the theatre, clubs, dancing, sport, reading and walking – I can’t think of anything else to say.
I will send you a photo privately – I am married and don’t want my husband to know I am doing this.
I’m right wing – You’d better earn more than me.
I’m tired of the singles scene – My looks are going.
I’ve got a pierced navel – Honky Tonk Woman!

Flushed with success, Sean has also written a book about his experiences called Millions of Women Are Waiting to Meet You. That should help pay for the wedding. Naturally, I’ve bought a copy as a, er... a gift.