Bah Humbug!

Christmas is that the time of year where people go temporality insane and buy the most ridiculous presents that will either get used once, not at all, or quietly returned for something more appropriate when the gift giver is not looking.

So after much consideration I have come up with the top five most useless Christmas presents in the known universe:

1. The Chocolate Fondue Fountain

Is this some sort of Swiss led attempt for world domination? Just what the bloody hell do you need one of these for? If there was ever a “use once and shove in a cupboard” gift then this is well and truly it. Listen, we’ve tried it before with the cheese fondue - and we hated it then - and replacing the cheese with chocolate still isn’t going to work.

2. The Smoothie Maker

Right. Let me get this right. You place some fruit and ice cream in the top, switch it on, mash the contents up in to a fine paste, pour and then enjoy. Er, excuse me for being a bit slow on the uptake here, but isn’t this just a blender with a tap?

3. The Juicer

See above. Except replace fruit with a carrot. Vomiting after drinking resulting mush is optional.

4. Jamie Oliver Flavour Shaker

The packaging happily informs you that it’s a "fun, quirky and highly original food preparation item" No it isn't. It’s an expensive salt and pepper pot!

5. Home Karaoke Machine

I thought the whole idea of Karaoke was to stand up in public and, usually after much quaffing of alcohol, blast out in your best drunken voice some of the words to Frank Sinatra’s “My Way”. Now where’s the fun in doing that in your front room?