Ladies. An Advanced Apology

On the behalf of the hairier half of the Homo sapien species who have girlfriends, may I offer my sincere apologies for our lack of co-operation over the forthcoming weeks as we take-over your television set and disappear to our local drinking establishments more frequently than normal.

Now unless you’ve been living on another planet, or America*, over the past few months you’ll probably be aware that World Cup fever is very nearly upon us. So before you start complaining that the wallpapering is not finished or those shelves still haven’t been put up, you’ve had more than enough warning of our forthcoming DIY lethargy.

I mean, all the advanced warning signs were there. There’s that large increase of beer and unhealthy snacks in the house. The national flag is draped everywhere** from our houses to cars and a mysterious thing called a metatarsal is the hot topic of conversation in just about every office, newspaper and news report.

So when we don’t return your phone calls, read our e-mails, continue our search for a soulmate on Match.com or (heaven forbid) update our exciting blog, you’ll most likely find us screaming "Pass it!" or "Ref! Ref!" at a nearby television as we jump up and down and point at things quite a lot.

Don’t worry though, it won’t last for long and we’ll soon be back to normal and moaning about your ridiculous obsession with watching the tennis at Wimbledon.

* Does the average American know that the world cup is about to start?
** Which is very unusual in the UK as some political correctness zealot decided that we’re not allowed to fly our own national flag in case it offends a minority group.