In Honour of the Sexes

Some of us blokes, well OK then – probably just me – are very grateful for the time and effort you ladies go to in order to make yourselves even more beautiful than you already are.

You may hog the bathroom for far too long, change your mind about what you’re going to wear at the last minute and, even worse than that, ask us what you think of your clothes and whether your bum looks too big, but we still love you all.

So in honour of your beauty let me reveal to you just how we men plan to satisfy:

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savour, massage, fix things, empathise, serenade, compliment, support, feed, soothe, tantalise, humour, placate, stimulate, stroke, console, hug, ignore the fat bits (not that you have any), cuddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, anticipate, smooch, nuzzle, forgive, accessorise, entertain, charm, carry for, oblige, fascinate, attend to, trust, defend, clothe, sanctify, acknowledge, spoil, embrace, die for, dream of, tease, gratify, squeeze, indulge, idolise, worship and, last but not least, wash up.

Conversely, how a woman can satisfy a man:

Arrive naked.