End of year report

Whilst the year hasn’t ended as I’d hoped, after all I’m still single, the year still ends on a relative high. There’s still much to do in 2006, but one thing this Internet dating lark has given in major doses is confidence and a much higher self-esteem. Although the three people I met up with rejected me, it’s actually boosted rather than demoralised me. And I thank them for that.

Whilst I’ll admit that it’s been emotionally hard going at times, my exercise regime is starting to bare fruits and my general physique is much improved with better looking legs, my shoulders are filling out and my stamina is much improved. This will all help in my attempts to restart running and cycling. The only downside that still needs to be addressed is my stomach that stubbornly refuses to become less of a lard pack and more of a six pack.

Dating wise, after my amusing failures on DirectDating.com I’ve deleted my account. I’m now concentrating on Match.com which offers a much better description of yourself and who you’re looking for. I’ve tried two or three people so far but failed to get a response (no change there then) but there is the faint possibility of something, although I’ve grown to realise not to raise my expectations too far. Never the less, I’m keeping my finger crossed (one only appears to be lucky for me) and holding my chin up just in case.

Anyhow, I found someone really nice (with so many common interests too) and sent her a message. I didn’t get a response, and just as I was about to delete her link from my account I got a message back saying that I sounded interesting. She’s in the process of moving back to Manchester so she’s a bit busy and she gave me an e-mail address (looks like a temporary one for this dating lark – which is fine as I have one too!) in case I wanted to stay in touch. I’ve emailed her but had no reply, but rather than filling her mailbox with hundreds of what could be possibly considered as desperate emails, I’ve decided to step back until the New Year (she said herself that she’d be back on-line once the silly season was over).

Either way, I’m going to make 2006 my year. I’ll hopefully finally find my mate (whether it's with this person or someone else), but my other major goals are to find a new job (with better pay) and with that finally get my own place to live (and possibly replace my car in the autumn as it will be 4 years old).

I’m looking forward to 2006 with a new sense of hope and I just hope that I’ll finally get to meet my soul mate. So finally, wishing you a Happy New Year and I hope that 2006 is all that you wish for.

Ding, Ding. End of Round One

Ok ladies, that's round one to you. 186 unsuccessful messages later I’ve decided to give up with DirectDirecing.com.

However, this doesn’t mean I’ve given up completely as I’ve signed up to another on-line service instead. It’s a more expensive, but it offers a better way of identifying a prospective partner so you don’t just have to rely on the “about me” message. Mind you, it was like applying for a passport, plus there are probably plenty of other blokes with the same boxes ticked as me. I guess it all boils down to that photograph again. Ho-hum.

I guess I won’t have found anyone for Christmas, which is a bit of a shame, but on the flip side of the coin at least I won’t have to splash out on a pile of presents! Mind you, I’m still going to give some of that money to a local animal sanctuary instead. Right, no point in waffling here, I’ve got some searching to do...

Are we becoming a nation of Bridget Joneses?

What is it with the female population of Great Britain? On one hand, my messages from a completely genuine person with ideals that are supposedly much sought after are being totally ignored (I’m starting to get paranoid and wondering whether there’s actually something wrong with my e-mail system), whilst on the other we’re being warned that the country is becoming a nation of Bridget Joneses (but hopefully without the giant knickers!)

We’re now being told that the ladies are facing a bleak future, with one in three not being in a marriage or having a male partner by the time they reach their mid forties. It is said that, assuming we all survive the bird flu, by 2031 around 20% of women aged between 45 and 50 will have never been married and will have no partner. Who are these people, and why don’t they shop at my Tesco or go to my gym? Are they actually looking for a partner? If they’re not, then the majority of the male population may as well give up now and go and join a monastery.

Anyhow, I’ve tweaked my introduction e-mail slightly and added a few more positive words and restored a paragraph about what I want to try and get out of life. I also recently went for a job interview for a rather interesting IT job. It’s would be a change of career direction for me, but I honestly felt it went pretty well. Hopefully, with any luck, I’ll get called back for a second interview and if it all comes into fruition it will be a major lifestyle change. And with any more luck, the ladies may then just find me a little more interesting and worthy of investigation.

Fingers crossed on all fronts then.

And still the search continues...

Not had a blog for a while so thought I’d better do an update. Mind you, it’s not because I’m busy beating off women with a stick as I’m currently up to 125 messages without any luck. I’m still not getting any replies either and I’m just beginning to wonder whether I’m simply destined to be single.

It’s not going against my positive and "glass half full" outlook to life, but I guess on the road of life some people are suppose to travel on it alone. Perhaps I’m meant to be one of them. Still, I’ve not given up yet.

Anyhow, here’s a guide to women’s English for those people puzzled by the fairer sex as much as I am:-

Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure… go ahead = I don’t want you to
I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper…
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I’m going to ask something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re not really going to like
Is my bum fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

I think I’m getting old!!

I’ve finally realised something that I’ve been trying to put off for some time, and that’s the fact I’m getting old. OK, being 35 isn’t the end of it all, but when your own mother says, “Oh, you’ve started going grey” it’s hardly something to jump up and down and start celebrating now is it? Another thing I’ve notice is the explosion of hair growth in my nose, so much so that you could almost call it a small coppice. I’m sure during the night I can hear a babbling brook echoing somewhere in my nasal cavity.

It’s something I’ve been trying to avoid thinking about for a while, and perhaps that’s one of the reasons why I’ve started searching for my soul mate (plus a better job with more pay – but that’s a completely different story all together). I also suspect that my hormones have rallied around for one last push before they decide to call it a day and retire to Bournemouth.

I’ve also noticed that a large number of women on the dating site put their cut off ages as 32 or 34. Now, I’ve never felt the forces of ageism before, but that certainly hammers home my advancing years and it won’t be too long before I’m wearing an orange overall and working at B&Q. Still, I guess my few grey threads may make me a little more distinguished and appealing as, judging from things so far, it’s hardly what I’d call a successful venture.

Oh, and as for an update. It’s currently 108 rejections and counting. Right, time to send a few more messages before I put on my slippers and have a cup of hot chocolate. Oh-oh…

100 Not Out…

Unfortunately, this is not a score by some victorious England cricketer, but my current count of messages to women on the dating site and that I’ve not been out with a single one of them. In fact, I think only 4 have even bothered to reply, and that was to tell me that they weren’t interested. Even that rather attractive Russian failed to respond, although my initial suspicions that it was a con may well have been proven.

Still, It’s really hard work keeping my spirits up as just about everywhere I go there are happy couples hand-in-hand, laughing and giggling together and generally looking very happy. It can be at the gym, the cinema or Tesco. You name it; they’re all there. Even the pigeons are in pairs and cooing lovingly to each other. Although it does make my head drop, on the flip side of the coin it is making me all the more determined to find someone. I try to work by my mother saying of “What’s meant for you, will never pass you by” and that all those rejections are their loss, not mine.

Never the less, I still continue to wonder just what women want out of a relationship. There’s a new book called The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-up Artists that has been written by a journalist called Neil Strauss. Naturally, women are up in arms about its content and its so-called “truths” about men’s sexuality, lust, desires and opinion of women as simple sex objects. Although women appear to rightly despise its contents, judging from my mass failures so far, I’m beginning to suspect that it is indeed the sort of thing women are looking for in a man. There just doesn’t appear to be any room out there for a nice guy and they’re all falling over themselves to get to the chauvinistic types.

But why do I think this I hear you cry? Well, to give me a few profile pointers I’ve looked through quite a few of other men’s profiles and the majority of their profiles are just plain rubbish. Even their pictures are hardly Brad Pitt material (although, being a bloke, I’m quite happy to accept that I don’t know what women are looking for when they look at a face – perhaps I should really find out!!). Surely my pleasant and polite profile, friendly introduction message and the reasonable picture should give me some sort of chance? Apparently not. Perhaps I should just send a message saying “Hello daring, give us a kiss!” Tsk, I’m getting all cynical now.

Anyhow, in an attempt to kill two birds with one stone, and as much as I hate having my picture taken, I’m thinking of getting a picture done professionally. Not only can I use it on the dating site as my profile picture, but also it would be the perfect Christmas present for my mum. There’s a local bloke with a studio down the road from me so I may just have to make some enquires.

In the meantime, the hunt continues…

Even The Russian Ladies Are Ignoring Me

I set up that free Internet account with the sole purpose of chatting to Alina, but after replying my new inbox is mysteriously empty. I’ve not even received any Spam yet. Perhaps I was wise in my cautious approach as a scam could well have been in the offing. Still, you never know, perhaps I’m just being impatient and Alina may well write back in a day or two. However, I’m not holding my breath.

My failures continue unabated with yet more messages ignored by the masses of lovely ladies. I did actually get a reply back from one girl who, new to the dating service, obviously hadn’t been inundated with messages yet. Unfortunately, my general and pleasant chitchat reply written in a way to tease out a further reply went down like a lead balloon. There’s another one to cross off the list.

I do feel like a bit of lurker at times, as I tend to keep checking the new members section before jumping in before all the other blokes have start messaging. I’ve even decided to pick out a few without pictures to, as after all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it’s what’s inside that counts the most.

Still, I’m not giving up yet, and I’ve still a good collection of profiles to work my way through yet. Onwards and upwards!

From Russia With Love?

I take a bite of the skeptic fruit every morning, so when I received a message from the rather attractive and interesting Alina from the Russian Federation I suspected a Russian mafia plot was at work.

After all, scammers are most likely to trawl the Internet Dating sites looking for desperate looking sad types, start chatting and before you can say “Chernobyl”, they’ve got a passport, emptied your bank account and you’ve just become a permanent feature of the latest M60 widening work.

I’ve had a similar message from a Russian girl before. I forget the name now, but she looked absolutely stunning and, as such, instantly raised my suspicions. After all, to continue with the stereotypical views, we’re all ugly desperate types on here right? She said she was from Moscow, but since her message originated from Birmingham (I must have missed that bit on the news when it was annexed to Russia) I ignored it.

So again, one side of me is telling me to completely ignore Alina’s message and treat it with suspicion, whilst my other “glass half full” side is intrigued by it all. I’m certainly not desperate, nor am I completely stupid, so I may just set up a freebie e-mail account and send her a reply – if only out of coy interest. But if there’s any talk of money, or concrete, then I’m outta there.

Perhaps I Need a Few "Opional Extras"

Like a face-lift on a slow selling car, the subtle tweak of my profile doesn’t appear to have raised much excitement in the ranks, although one person did at least bother to reply and say that I lived too far away (although, as I only lived about 10 miles away from them I have this feeling they were just being polite – but heck, thanks taking the time to reply!). Trouble is, with over 50 ladies around the North West of England tried (and failed) suitable people are starting to get a little thin on the ground.

So with a fresh haircut, a session on the sun bed, a shower and a set of shiny and healthy looking cheeks, I think that new profile picture is in order. I just need to find a suitable pose where I won’t simply end up looking like a cross between a startled rabbit in car headlights or convict awaiting their fate on death row.

Unfortunately, I’m never one for having my photograph taken so this is going to be an interesting one to sort out. I could use my mobile phone to take a nice outside shot, but since the resolution is so poor I’d simply end up looking like some sort of bizarre abstract painting. No, I think another imaginative shot with the webcam is in order. I’ll keep you informed.

No Ladies Yet, But a New Hope....

Well after fifty messages and no positive responses I’m feeling a little beaten. However, that is going against my positive outlook on life and it’s not going to make me give up.

I was obviously having a bit of a confidence wobble, but after doing a bit of research it looks like (and fairly obvious when you come to think about it) there’s far more blokes out there than there are women and as soon as a decent profile is uploaded it can trigger a wave a contact to that lucky lady. Needless to say, the ladies can afford to be a bit more choosey, and they’re not choosing me.

As a result, there are three things I’ve got to improve - profile, profile and profile. Oh, and probably a better picture too (although I don’t think it’s that bad – still I shouldn’t be the judge of that either). You’ve got to tell the ladies what they want to hear – and still telling the truth too as I’m not a liar. Still, you can’t go setting out your stall too much otherwise there’s no point in them contacting you to find out more. I’ve just got to come up with some tastier bait. The only problem is now trying to come up with a much better profile. I think a bit more research is required on this delicate subject.

Also, thinking back, I guess I’ve just been very fortunate that I’ve had contact with three lovely ladies so early in this Internet dating lark. I suppose you can even class it as a minor success. But obviously, with more men out there, I didn’t sell myself hard enough or perhaps, being ever the gentleman, didn’t ask the lady out when I should have and another more confident suitor did.

Naturally, the competition is going to be tough so, to prove that I’m committed to finding someone, I’m determined to keep plugging away. I think I’ll even join another dating service and see if I get any better luck there – perhaps I could experiment with my profiles a bit more and see if it has the desired effect. The possibilities are endless. Watch out ladies, I’m back!

That Glass is Starting to Look a Little Empty...

Although I’m a glass half full kind of person with a positive outlook on life, I’m starting to be ever so concerned at the lack of response to my messages. With forty messages now sent and only two replies (telling me to bog off) a few doubts are now starting to creep into my mind. Still, on the plus side, at least two women were polite enough to reply.

I’m at a loss as to what I’m doing wrong. I’m being honest and genuine and I like to think I’m a nice guy too. But perhaps this is what’s wrong and, for all their talk, women like Simone, Caroline and Karen don’t actually like nice men who are happy to hold doors open and pass the occasional complement (not that I’ve said this in my messages). Sure, I’ll admit to being no Brad Pitt, but I’m no Shrek either, so I just wonder whether there’s actually any room for nice people in this hurried and cruel world.

I think I’m going to have to readdress things and consider giving this Internet Dating lark a rest for a while. It’s starting to get too depressing and, along with other too many other burdens, it’s beginning to chip away at my happy persona and I’m not sure how much hammering I can take before it starts to hurt.

I’ve a few days left on this month’s subscription so I’ll see what this week brings, but I think my blog is quite possibly heading for a quiet patch. Here’s hoping it doesn’t.

Profile Problems

My profile appears to be having the opposite effect with another five messages sent to various women, four of which were ignored whilst the other to replied telling me to essentially "bog off". So rather than having ladies heading in my direction they all appear to be rushing for the hills in ever increasing greater numbers.

My current profile is as follows:-

"Hi There. I'm a caring and genuine person with a dry sense of humour and I just love a good laugh. Friends have described me as being outgoing, kind, generous and very laid back (I definitely go with the flow and I’m more likely to shrug than shout). I enjoy travelling and have wide tastes in music from classical to the latest pop. I much prefer a pub to a club and love getting out to the countryside or coast for a meal or a walk. I also try to keep fit and can often be found at the gym (minus the grunting or posing in the mirrors). I'm looking for an affectionate, fun and caring woman who is up for some fun days out and cosy nights in. So, if you fancy a chat then please do drop me a line."

I suspect it sounds too desperate and probably too mushy in places so I’ve replaced a few of the key works to see if that has any effect:-

"Hi There. I'm a genuine and friendly person with a daft sense of humour. Friends have described me as being outgoing, kind, generous and very laid back towards everything that life throws at me. I enjoy keeping fit down the gym, travelling and have wide tastes in music from classical to the latest pop. I much prefer a pub to a club and love getting out to the countryside or coast. I'm looking for an affectionate, fun and caring woman who is up for fun days out or cosy nights in with a DVD and a bottle of wine. So, if you fancy a chat then please do drop me a line."

Right, that’s a bit shorter. The question is, is it any sweeter? Only time will tell.>

Is There Anyone Out There?

I’ve now removed the word “loyal” from the part of my profile that outlined what I’m looking for in a woman. I decided that it sounded too much like I wanted someone at my beck and call and tied to the kitchen sink.

Found an interesting profile for new member “Janet”. Her profile described here as the jovial type so I decided to get in quick and send a funny message saying “hi”. Hmmm, that went down like a tonne of bricks. No response to that one either. Me thinks I’m back to square one.

Must work on a yet another profile. I think I’ll have to see what the other blokes are writing about themselves. Whatever they’re writing, it’s got to be a million times more successful than whatever I’ve got. At this rate, come the end of the year I’ll have sent a message to every woman in the North West!

The Empty In-Box

I’m beginning to think that there’s something wrong with my profile and perhaps even my picture which took me an age to come up with something that didn’t look like an extra from “Dawn of the Dead”. With twenty messages sent off to twenty different hopeful ladies this month I’ve had the grand total of one reply, and that was to basically tell me to bog off.

Now, my profile is neither insulting, soppy or ridiculous, it just lists my likes and dislikes and what I’m looking for in a woman (again nothing outrageous or insulting). But what confuses me the most is that my honest profile appears to match a lot of what women are actually looking for in a man. So perhaps it’s my picture that’s the problem. Me thinks that a serious rethink on the mug shot is required.

The Day It All Started - A History

I thought I understood women, but from my recent failings in the dating game it appears that I still have a lot to learn from both sexes. Do women really want the kind, generous and romantic types? Do they still want to be swept off their feet? Should you hold the door open for them? Should you always pay the bill? And what is it with their handbags that contain everything from the kitchen sink to an amphibious landing craft? But simply, why do nice guys such as myself always have to finish last?

When I first started out on this great journey I would have to say that I was the shy and retiring type who found it hard to chat up women. Sure, I was fine with them socially or in the work place where they always seemed to be just friends and they always commented on how "nice" or "sweet" I was. But when it came to the "after work" part of the routine I was a lame duck. I was beginning to think that I was doomed and destined to remain single, rather depressed and lonely forever.

But joining a local gym seemed to stir something in me. Not only was I rapidly shedding weight (loosing 4 inches off my waist), but I was also feeling healthier and recovering the lost muscle tone from my teenage years. And, dare I say it, I had actually started to think I wasn’t that bad looking after all. Not only did the buzz from the exercise lift me, but for the first time I can remember for a long, long time, I had a new and improved positive outlook on life.
After a few beers for courage I signed up to an Internet dating service, set myself an honest profile, found the best picture I could find, and waited. And waited. Nothing. Remembering that the ladies like the men to make the first move I went searching through the profiles and found a rather good looking and interesting sounding girl. Not expecting much, I fired off a message and to my great surprise I got a reply!

She amazingly liked my amusing stories and after a few weeks "chatting" I plucked up the courage to ask to meet. She agreed, we ate, I paid, we said our good byes and went to our homes. I thought everything went well and that there could be another time. That was until I had to work away from home and in the process of e-mailing got a message from her saying that she was going to give it a go with another man. I was gutted, but I’d forgotten that there’d be other men out there searching to.

It took a while for me to recover from this setback and I didn’t bother with the Internet dating for a few months. But I eventually started again and sent out a few messages without reply. I sent out another message and I was on the brink of giving up when not only did I receive a reply, but somebody had added me to their favourites. Being added to someone’s favourites was a new experience for me and I just had to send a message to say hello. I even got a very warm response back.

Feeling a bit guilty of talking to two people at once I managed to chat without getting their messages mixed up. One of the ladies then asked to meet (yes, asked me to meet) whilst the other was a little unsure, and dare I say shy. I met up with the first women and we appeared to get along OK, although she seemed a bit too "in your face". Still, she was nice, attractive and certainly lived life to the full. Trouble is, I’d obviously failed her test as the next day the now standard "I’ve met someone else" e-mail came through.

But since I wasn’t too sure myself I wasn’t too bothered as I much preferred the shy one. We continued to chat and I eventually asked her out. I was surprised that she agreed and she even gave me her phone number. After a lengthy chat we agreed to meet in a local pub and when she appeared I almost fell over with how attractive she was. We drank, I paid, we had a great time, we said our good byes and went to our homes. I really did think that she could be the one and after another meeting for a meal I so much wanted to ask her out properly.

Although we got on brilliantly, with the evening simply flashing by, I couldn’t quite make my mind up about her signals and the gentleman in me decided that it wasn’t the right time to ask. I decided to wait until next time. However, work got in the way again and whilst away the messages stopped. Nothing, no replies to my e-mails or texts. I was getting worried, and then the fateful text message came. "I’ve met someone else". I still kick myself. I should have asked her on that night, after all, she could have said no, or she could have said yes and the "other bloke" could have been the disappointed one.

But I’m determined not to give up my search. Unfortunately, with a new photograph and improved profile, thirty messages to hopeful contenders later my message box remains empty. Have I had and blown my chance?

Never the less, with only a few wobbles and negative thoughts at the lack of responses, my failures have continued to boost my confidence and self-esteem. And so, for those three ladies who rejected me, I thank and salute you.

This blog is now part of my road to finding a soul mate. Hopefully, rather than failures, you’ll get to hear about a success. But as I continue with my journey I shall value any comments or help that you may have to help me find that one thing I desire so much – to love and be loved. So let that journey begin now.