No Ladies Yet, But a New Hope....

Well after fifty messages and no positive responses I’m feeling a little beaten. However, that is going against my positive outlook on life and it’s not going to make me give up.

I was obviously having a bit of a confidence wobble, but after doing a bit of research it looks like (and fairly obvious when you come to think about it) there’s far more blokes out there than there are women and as soon as a decent profile is uploaded it can trigger a wave a contact to that lucky lady. Needless to say, the ladies can afford to be a bit more choosey, and they’re not choosing me.

As a result, there are three things I’ve got to improve - profile, profile and profile. Oh, and probably a better picture too (although I don’t think it’s that bad – still I shouldn’t be the judge of that either). You’ve got to tell the ladies what they want to hear – and still telling the truth too as I’m not a liar. Still, you can’t go setting out your stall too much otherwise there’s no point in them contacting you to find out more. I’ve just got to come up with some tastier bait. The only problem is now trying to come up with a much better profile. I think a bit more research is required on this delicate subject.

Also, thinking back, I guess I’ve just been very fortunate that I’ve had contact with three lovely ladies so early in this Internet dating lark. I suppose you can even class it as a minor success. But obviously, with more men out there, I didn’t sell myself hard enough or perhaps, being ever the gentleman, didn’t ask the lady out when I should have and another more confident suitor did.

Naturally, the competition is going to be tough so, to prove that I’m committed to finding someone, I’m determined to keep plugging away. I think I’ll even join another dating service and see if I get any better luck there – perhaps I could experiment with my profiles a bit more and see if it has the desired effect. The possibilities are endless. Watch out ladies, I’m back!

That Glass is Starting to Look a Little Empty...

Although I’m a glass half full kind of person with a positive outlook on life, I’m starting to be ever so concerned at the lack of response to my messages. With forty messages now sent and only two replies (telling me to bog off) a few doubts are now starting to creep into my mind. Still, on the plus side, at least two women were polite enough to reply.

I’m at a loss as to what I’m doing wrong. I’m being honest and genuine and I like to think I’m a nice guy too. But perhaps this is what’s wrong and, for all their talk, women like Simone, Caroline and Karen don’t actually like nice men who are happy to hold doors open and pass the occasional complement (not that I’ve said this in my messages). Sure, I’ll admit to being no Brad Pitt, but I’m no Shrek either, so I just wonder whether there’s actually any room for nice people in this hurried and cruel world.

I think I’m going to have to readdress things and consider giving this Internet Dating lark a rest for a while. It’s starting to get too depressing and, along with other too many other burdens, it’s beginning to chip away at my happy persona and I’m not sure how much hammering I can take before it starts to hurt.

I’ve a few days left on this month’s subscription so I’ll see what this week brings, but I think my blog is quite possibly heading for a quiet patch. Here’s hoping it doesn’t.

Profile Problems

My profile appears to be having the opposite effect with another five messages sent to various women, four of which were ignored whilst the other to replied telling me to essentially "bog off". So rather than having ladies heading in my direction they all appear to be rushing for the hills in ever increasing greater numbers.

My current profile is as follows:-

"Hi There. I'm a caring and genuine person with a dry sense of humour and I just love a good laugh. Friends have described me as being outgoing, kind, generous and very laid back (I definitely go with the flow and I’m more likely to shrug than shout). I enjoy travelling and have wide tastes in music from classical to the latest pop. I much prefer a pub to a club and love getting out to the countryside or coast for a meal or a walk. I also try to keep fit and can often be found at the gym (minus the grunting or posing in the mirrors). I'm looking for an affectionate, fun and caring woman who is up for some fun days out and cosy nights in. So, if you fancy a chat then please do drop me a line."

I suspect it sounds too desperate and probably too mushy in places so I’ve replaced a few of the key works to see if that has any effect:-

"Hi There. I'm a genuine and friendly person with a daft sense of humour. Friends have described me as being outgoing, kind, generous and very laid back towards everything that life throws at me. I enjoy keeping fit down the gym, travelling and have wide tastes in music from classical to the latest pop. I much prefer a pub to a club and love getting out to the countryside or coast. I'm looking for an affectionate, fun and caring woman who is up for fun days out or cosy nights in with a DVD and a bottle of wine. So, if you fancy a chat then please do drop me a line."

Right, that’s a bit shorter. The question is, is it any sweeter? Only time will tell.>

Is There Anyone Out There?

I’ve now removed the word “loyal” from the part of my profile that outlined what I’m looking for in a woman. I decided that it sounded too much like I wanted someone at my beck and call and tied to the kitchen sink.

Found an interesting profile for new member “Janet”. Her profile described here as the jovial type so I decided to get in quick and send a funny message saying “hi”. Hmmm, that went down like a tonne of bricks. No response to that one either. Me thinks I’m back to square one.

Must work on a yet another profile. I think I’ll have to see what the other blokes are writing about themselves. Whatever they’re writing, it’s got to be a million times more successful than whatever I’ve got. At this rate, come the end of the year I’ll have sent a message to every woman in the North West!

The Empty In-Box

I’m beginning to think that there’s something wrong with my profile and perhaps even my picture which took me an age to come up with something that didn’t look like an extra from “Dawn of the Dead”. With twenty messages sent off to twenty different hopeful ladies this month I’ve had the grand total of one reply, and that was to basically tell me to bog off.

Now, my profile is neither insulting, soppy or ridiculous, it just lists my likes and dislikes and what I’m looking for in a woman (again nothing outrageous or insulting). But what confuses me the most is that my honest profile appears to match a lot of what women are actually looking for in a man. So perhaps it’s my picture that’s the problem. Me thinks that a serious rethink on the mug shot is required.

The Day It All Started - A History

I thought I understood women, but from my recent failings in the dating game it appears that I still have a lot to learn from both sexes. Do women really want the kind, generous and romantic types? Do they still want to be swept off their feet? Should you hold the door open for them? Should you always pay the bill? And what is it with their handbags that contain everything from the kitchen sink to an amphibious landing craft? But simply, why do nice guys such as myself always have to finish last?

When I first started out on this great journey I would have to say that I was the shy and retiring type who found it hard to chat up women. Sure, I was fine with them socially or in the work place where they always seemed to be just friends and they always commented on how "nice" or "sweet" I was. But when it came to the "after work" part of the routine I was a lame duck. I was beginning to think that I was doomed and destined to remain single, rather depressed and lonely forever.

But joining a local gym seemed to stir something in me. Not only was I rapidly shedding weight (loosing 4 inches off my waist), but I was also feeling healthier and recovering the lost muscle tone from my teenage years. And, dare I say it, I had actually started to think I wasn’t that bad looking after all. Not only did the buzz from the exercise lift me, but for the first time I can remember for a long, long time, I had a new and improved positive outlook on life.
After a few beers for courage I signed up to an Internet dating service, set myself an honest profile, found the best picture I could find, and waited. And waited. Nothing. Remembering that the ladies like the men to make the first move I went searching through the profiles and found a rather good looking and interesting sounding girl. Not expecting much, I fired off a message and to my great surprise I got a reply!

She amazingly liked my amusing stories and after a few weeks "chatting" I plucked up the courage to ask to meet. She agreed, we ate, I paid, we said our good byes and went to our homes. I thought everything went well and that there could be another time. That was until I had to work away from home and in the process of e-mailing got a message from her saying that she was going to give it a go with another man. I was gutted, but I’d forgotten that there’d be other men out there searching to.

It took a while for me to recover from this setback and I didn’t bother with the Internet dating for a few months. But I eventually started again and sent out a few messages without reply. I sent out another message and I was on the brink of giving up when not only did I receive a reply, but somebody had added me to their favourites. Being added to someone’s favourites was a new experience for me and I just had to send a message to say hello. I even got a very warm response back.

Feeling a bit guilty of talking to two people at once I managed to chat without getting their messages mixed up. One of the ladies then asked to meet (yes, asked me to meet) whilst the other was a little unsure, and dare I say shy. I met up with the first women and we appeared to get along OK, although she seemed a bit too "in your face". Still, she was nice, attractive and certainly lived life to the full. Trouble is, I’d obviously failed her test as the next day the now standard "I’ve met someone else" e-mail came through.

But since I wasn’t too sure myself I wasn’t too bothered as I much preferred the shy one. We continued to chat and I eventually asked her out. I was surprised that she agreed and she even gave me her phone number. After a lengthy chat we agreed to meet in a local pub and when she appeared I almost fell over with how attractive she was. We drank, I paid, we had a great time, we said our good byes and went to our homes. I really did think that she could be the one and after another meeting for a meal I so much wanted to ask her out properly.

Although we got on brilliantly, with the evening simply flashing by, I couldn’t quite make my mind up about her signals and the gentleman in me decided that it wasn’t the right time to ask. I decided to wait until next time. However, work got in the way again and whilst away the messages stopped. Nothing, no replies to my e-mails or texts. I was getting worried, and then the fateful text message came. "I’ve met someone else". I still kick myself. I should have asked her on that night, after all, she could have said no, or she could have said yes and the "other bloke" could have been the disappointed one.

But I’m determined not to give up my search. Unfortunately, with a new photograph and improved profile, thirty messages to hopeful contenders later my message box remains empty. Have I had and blown my chance?

Never the less, with only a few wobbles and negative thoughts at the lack of responses, my failures have continued to boost my confidence and self-esteem. And so, for those three ladies who rejected me, I thank and salute you.

This blog is now part of my road to finding a soul mate. Hopefully, rather than failures, you’ll get to hear about a success. But as I continue with my journey I shall value any comments or help that you may have to help me find that one thing I desire so much – to love and be loved. So let that journey begin now.